So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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