Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
