At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
