hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
