I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
