i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
