i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
