She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
