Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
