Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
