Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
