Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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