I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
