I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
