the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
