I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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