My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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