I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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