My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
