It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
