Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
