Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
