I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize