planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
