That's intense
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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