you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
