Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think i have herpe
just one?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The Olympian is in my bed
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