found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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