I smell stomach acid.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
