im about as happy as oj after his trial
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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