I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
