i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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