When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
