Pants 0. Shit 1.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
