You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
