if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
