then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
