what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
