I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize