I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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