I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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