the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
