The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
