if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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