Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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