Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
