allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
