I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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