my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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