I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I love having hate sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
