if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
