he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize