Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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