HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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