So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
