Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
