If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
