Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
