I wish my penis had an off switch
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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