i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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