This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
