Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize