non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
