i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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