Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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