..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
