Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize