Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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