You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
